Dear Lisa, As I write this, I am very sad. Our president has been overthrown and REPLACED BY THE BENEVOLENT GENERAL KRULL. ALL HAIL KRULL, AND HIS GLORIOUS NEW REGIME. SINCERELY, LITTLE GIRL
mrshowwithbobanddavid: When the cast deems a sketch too boring, sometimes Paul and Jay overdub it on the commentary track, with fun results. This is the first of them. TELEPHONE TIME!!
My entire apartment complex plus my dad plus my best friend are all taking turns looking in on my pets while I’m gone IT’S SO SWEET. …the amount of alcohol I have to buy in return will bankrupt me.
BRB GOIN’ TO HAWAII …the A material goes on twitter. This tumblr’s strictly C-.
Heidi and Carl Sagan's Further Adventures in Mild...
Carl: Consider the arrogance of such a tiny civilization on a pinprick of a planet in one of billions of billions of other pinprick planets inside billions and billions of galaxies assuming the universe was built for them. Heidi: Carl, did you get eggs went you went to the store? Carl: Oh. …uh…no. Heidi: God fucking damn it. AGAIN. Carl: Okay, consider the triviality of forgetting...
That moment when you’re showing the guy who’s going to house/pet-sit for you while you’re in Hawaii around the apartment and you kind of get that weird “I like you” vibe from him but you don’t like him back because he smells like he uses hippie deodorant and it gets awkward and your normally silent dog starts barking in the other room so as to create a...
STOP POSTING ABOUT THE RAGE YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SEXUALIZATION OF A DISNEY/PIXAR CHARACTER AND MAKE YOUR IMPRESSIONABLE DAUGHTERS WATCH MEL BROOKS MOVIES INSTEAD Well it worked for me. I never wanted to identify with princesses. I went for Madeleine Khan.
When the Kinks tell you to come dance, you...
Let’s get drunk and edit a cartoon in After Effects! I’ve replaced the sound with the audio from “Reservoir Dogs”. WILL MY CLIENT NOTICE?
doctorcolossalman: vriska: feferi: levicastiel: NO FUCK YOU MOFFAT YOU AND YOUR EGO HAVE GONE TOO FAR WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK HAHAHAHAHAHA EXXXXCCCUUUUSEEEEE MEEEEEEE wow i didnt think it was possible for one man to singlehandedly ruin doctor who but WOW MOFFAT’s DONE IT!!!11 WWWHHHHHAT WHAT!!!!! WHHHHHHHHHAT!!!!!!!!!!! I have incredibly mixed feelings about this. I OFFERED TO...
Forget what I said about people being innately good. There are human beings out there right now who think Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Gimmie Three Steps” is a great song and there are a LOT of them.
Having “a day”. If a half bottle of wine and The Naked Gun can’t help me, then nothing can.
Heidi's Typical Day on Twitter
Wake up. Write something while still half asleep. Hit send. Regret immediately. Drink coffee. Write something before beginning actual work. Delete immediately. Hope nobody notices (they always do) See that favorite twitterer is on. Try to immediately think up joke to impress said twitterer. Fail miserably. …delete. Put something I’m not ashamed of/find sort of funny up. Wait for...
COOP, YOU REMIND ME TODAY OF A SMALL MEXICAN CHI-WOW-WOW.
If I find something funny, I laugh at it. I don’t try rationalizing why I can and someone else can’t, I don’t care what the subject matter is (why is one shocking and gruesome thing considered “okay” to laugh at and another not?), I don’t over-analyze, and I don’t care if I’m not supposed to find it funny because of my...