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I wrote this in my 20s, and I apologize in advance.
Once upon a time in the magical, far-off land of Sparks, Nevada, there lived a beautiful Princess by the name of Uncle Busta Rhymes.
Princess Uncle Busta Rhymes was the fairest maiden in all the land. She had long, golden teeth, approximately two eyes, and large hands. Her father was the fair and just King Leanne Rhymes, and her mother was Queen Rhyming Dictionary, who was slightly less just and wrote terrible poetry all day. They both loved their daughter very much, and routinely locked her in the hall closet when through to cut down on clutter, and to muffle any screaming.
One day, when Princess Uncle Busta Rhymes wasn’t in use, she was let outside to play and air out. She had just skipped merrily over to her favorite patch of dirt clods when she SUDDENLY heard a strange voice from behind her.
“Fair Princess Uncle Busta Rhymes,” it called out. Princess Uncle Busta Rhymes whirled around only to come face to face with a winged, stylish mustache.
“Who…who are you?” Princess Uncle Busta Rhymes asked.
“I am your Fairy God Fu Manchu Mustache,” it said. “I have come to grant you three wishes.”
Princess Uncle Busta Rhymes froze, staring at the enchaned facial hair in disbelief. “Wait…what?”
The mustache laughed heartily. “Yes, three whole wishes. Of course, each wish comes with a catch.”
The princess thought for a moment. Then, she pondered for a few minutes. Finally, she analyzed the situation quietly in her mind for a second or two. Was this mustache REALLY Her fairy God Fu Manchu Mustache, or just some Mustache con-artist looking to exploit a doe-eyed, many-fingered young girl? Should she really make a wish if there was going to be a catch? And what about the time she made a wish with that Fairy God Bag of Cheetoes she happened upon who didn’t even give her any wishes and instead just punched her in the head really hard and took her wallet? So many questions. So many fake mustaches out there. She was about to make up her mind when ALL OF THE SUDDEN the author went to bed.
