In Celebration of Women’s History Month

As I have become aware that Women’s History Month is upon us thanks to a guy on my twitter feed just now, I feel that I should do something special to honor my gender properly and recognize the struggles we’ve gone through to make it to where we are today. Here, then, are some little known facts, trivia, achievements, and even some mysteries revealed about the half of the population we all know as “The Nipply Gender”.

~In ‘The Book of Genesis’, the first woman on Earth is fashioned out of the hat that Phil Collins wore in the video for “Don’t Lose My Number”. He affectionately names her “Head Pants”.

~Women aren’t just found in humans. In fact, there can be women monkeys, deer, chickens, and even orders of Outback Bloomin’ Onions.

~The first woman to fly an airplane solo across the Atlantic ocean was Dwight D. Eisenhower

~Women in the workplace: Even today, men make far more on average per hour than women. At a company where a man can make $35 an hour, a woman can expect to receive payment in egg noodles.

~Women were named after noted biologist Alfred P. Woman, who discovered them in the late 1800s under his house.

~Men often complain that they can never understand women. This is because all women speak the dead tongue of the Babylonians. They also have no word for “and”.

~A group of women is known as a “fisherman’s knee”

~The first woman president of the United States was Wilson Philips.

~The mating call of the North American Speckled Woman is “rubble rubble rubble cheeseburger rubble rubble”

~It is actually fairly easy to tell the difference between a man and a woman if you remember this simple rule: Men have penises, and women have superpenises.

~Did you know? Women in the US were only granted the right to vote after modern science discovered that they weren’t, as previously thought, decorative salt and pepper shakers.

~Offspring between a man and a woman are referred to as “Jinnies”.

~Contrary to popular belief, women are not actually from “Venus”. The woman home planet is actually unpronounceable by the human tongue and is communicated more accurately by the various noises that huskies make.

3 months ago  /  6 notes